Decode
by WolfObsessed
Summary: I can't trust no one, no more. Not after what Soda did to me.
1. Prologue

******Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders**

**Decode Prologue:**

It's been two months since that one dark day that changed my life forever. I still had the bruises that Soda left on my body. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody, but me and Soda.

_'Soda'_

I hate him.

He's been acting all innocent about this whole thing. Acting as if he doesn't know what's wrong with me. Acting like he wasn't the cause of it. Acting all concerned and scared like the rest of the gang.

But, the horrible dark truth is hidden in his eyes. Hid away where no one can find it.

Soda is a very good liar.

He fools everyone. Has been fooling them from the start. He even had me fooled, until the horrible, dark secret rose to the surface and exploded in my face.

Soda was never my sweet, innocent, happy-go-lucky brother. It was all just one big lie. It was only a mask to cover up who he really was.

He was the total oppistie of who he pretends to be.

He's cold and harsh,

Selfish and heartless.

He's destruction of life.

He's like a tornado, they both destoy everything in its path, leaving nothing but the remains of once was.

Sodapop Patrick Curtis was what nightmares were made out of.


	2. Chapter 1

**Sorry I took so long to update! Its just I kept having to rewrite this chapter, because I didn't like how it turned out and stuff. I still don't like how this turned out, but I tried, I really did, and I really worked hard on this, so I hope you like it, and I hope it was worth the wait. I promise you won't have to wait that long for the next chapter, because I already have it, I just need to type it up.**

**Warnings: This chapter has self harm, Incest-slash rape, and angst, lots and lots of angst.**

I push my switchblade further into my wrist. Blood pours outta my wrist like a waterfall.

"Ponyboy, what the fuck are ya doin'?"

I didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I scowl.

"What the hell do ya mean, what am I doin' here?" Soda snaps. "I'm here to see my baby brother! I never see ya anymore! You're barely ever home and when ya are, ya lock yourself in my old room! Ya don't even go to school anymore! You're worryin' the gang somethin' awful and you're worryin' me and Darry half to death! What have ya been up to? Huh? Ya look like shit!"

I let out a bitter, cold laugh, gripping my switchblade tighter.

"Been trying to keep away from you, sick bastard! I want nothing to do with you! I been hurting myself, doing some bad things, and getting in trouble! I don't know the difference between right and wrong anymore! I don't give a damn about school no more, so whats the use of going? And don't pretend like you give a damn about me, because we both know you don't!"

I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"Pony ya know-"

But, I won't let him finish.

I swing around to face him, with my blade tightly in my grip.

"Don't touch me! Don't fucking dare touch me or I swear to god, I'll kill you!"

The door opens and there stands Darry. He looks scared and concerned. When he saw me holding a blade out in front of me, pointed to Soda's direction, his eyes went wide in disbelief and horror.

"Pony, what the hell are you doing?"

He went in between me and Soda.

"Pony, give me the blade."

I narrow my eyes at him.

"No."

Darry looks taken aback.

I thought he was going to start yelling at me, like he always did, but he just studies me real closely.

His normal icy, cold eyes are melted with fear and concern.

"P-Pony-"

Tears glazes his eyes.

"What happened to you? What happened to my baby brother?"

Darry pulls me into a tight hug.

I freak out, dropping my blade to the floor. I kick and hit Darry, over and over. I scream at the top of my lungs for him to let me go.

Darry let me go, startled.

"What has gotten into you baby? You have the whole gang worrying to death about you. W-what have you been doing to yourself? You look like you haven't been eating or sleeping. And it looks like you have become your own personnal punching bag and scratching post."

I stay silent.

Darry looks in my eyes and gasps.

My normal grayish-green eyes are a very deep gray, they are almost black. The innocence is gone. They are cold and hard like Dally's and Steve's were.

Darry looks down at my still bleeding wrist, then down to my bloody blade surrounded in a huge puddle of my blood.

His head snaps back up. His eyes widening in horror.

"Shit Pony, you lost a lot of blood."

Darry picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I start freaking out again, but he just carrys me out of the room, into the living room, gently dropping me on the couch.

The whole gang is there, staring at me in shock, concern, and horror.

Darry went into the bathroom.

The gang is still staring at me and I can't take it anymore.

"What are you staring at?!" I snap at them.

They all look taken aback. They're not use to me talking so harsh.

Darry came back in with the first aid kit.

"Pony can you tell us what happened? Why do you barely come home? Why are you hurting yourself? And why were you trying to kill Soda?" Darry asks in concern, as he wraps my wrist up in a white bandage.

At Darry's last question, the whole gang looks from me to Soda, then back at me, with wide eyes, full of disbelief and shock.

I know, what they were thinking.

_'Not Soda and Pony, the perfect brothers, who never fight and mean the whole world to each other?'_

I lock eyes with Soda. The truth is hiding behind all the lies in his eyes. Its hanging on his tongue, but he won't say it.

He will never admit it, because he likes having everyone fooled. He likes living one big lie and pretending to be someone he definitely isn't.

The memory of that day was still fresh in my mind. It ran through my veins, making my blood run cold. I ran, I hid away, I did all those bad things, to forget. But, none of it worked.

I still remember it like it was yesterday. The memory was forever embedded in my brain.

_I was laying on my bed, reading a book._

_"Hey Pony. Where is everyone?"_

_I looked up and smiled._

_"Hey Soda. Dally talked Johnny into going to Bucks with him. He tried to talk me into going to, but I didn't feel like getting the tar beat outta me by Darry. Twobit is off somewhere getting drunk like always. Darry is still at work. I don't know where Steve is. Im surprised he didn't come home with you, because he always does."_

_"He's on a date with Evie." Soda said._

_"Oh then I guess its just you and me Soda." I said with a smile, patting the spot next to me._

_Soda smiled back and layed down beside me.I went back to reading my book._

_I felt Soda staring at me. I looked back over to him. My smile faded to a frown and my brows knotted together in confusion._

_"Soda--" I started to ask, but was cut off by Soda's lips on mine._

_My eyes widened in surprise. I layed there frozen as Soda kissed me._

_I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do._

_I gasped when the book I was reading was thrown to the floor and Soda got on top of me. _

_Soda took advantage of that and forced his tongue inside my mouth._

_My shock wore off and I started pushing at Soda's shoulders, trying to push him off, with no luck._

_Soda was bigger and stronger than me._

_I ripped my mouth away from Soda's and turned my head to the side. I felt his breath hit my cheek._

_"S-Soda....What are you doing?"_

_"I want ya, Pony." He breathed in my ear._

_My eyes widened in shock and horror._

_I looked up at him, lips trembling as I choked out a, "No."_

_Soda grabbed both of my wrists, pinning them above my head._

_"Yes." He hissed, before he kissed me again._

_I struggled to get free, but again to no avail._

_He held my wrists so tight that he was gonna leave bruises._

_He attacked my neck with hard bites, making me whimper in pain._

_He ripped off my shirt, then went back to pinning my arms over my head._

_He attacked my chest and stomach next._

_I had given up trying to get away, because I knew I couldn't, but when Soda let go of one of my hands and trailed it to my pants button, I freaked._

_"No Soda!"_

_I used my free hand to punch inbetween Soda's legs as hard as I could._

_He cried out in pain, let go of my other arm, and fell to the floor on his knees, grabbing his crotch with both hands._

_"Fuck." He hissed._

_I made a run for it. I was almost out the front door, when he grabbed my arm and slammed me face first into the wall._

_My hands were tied together, behind my back. Soda slammed me against the wall repeatingly with all his strength, until I was almost unconsious._

_"You think you're so smart kid." He spat harshly in my ear._

_He threw me down on the floor like I was nothing and ripped my pants off._

_He stripped out of his clothes and went ontop of me, and without warning, slammed into me._

_I cried out in pain, tears squeezing out as I shut my eyes tightly, I never felt so much pain in my entire life, but Soda didn't care, he just continued plowing into me as hard and as fast as he could._

_Tears streamed down my face._

_Soda was hurting me, really hurting me. He was the last person I expected that would do something like this._

_I never thought he would hurt me, but he's doing more then hurting me, he's braking me, braking me into nothing, destroying all my insides, leaving me with nothing, but a shell._

_Soda let out a long, pleasure filled moan as he came inside me._

_He got out of me, untied me, got dressed, and left the house._

_I slowly crawled into me and Soda's room, onto our bed._

_I couldn't trust anyone anymore, because I trusted Soda more then anyone, and look at what he just did to me. If Soda did this to me, anyone could._

_I looked over my body. Soda left bruises and scars almost everywhere on my body. My whole body was still shaking in fear. My body was always so fragile, maybe even more than Johnny's was, though I never liked to admit it._

_I felt something wet. I looked down to see a huge stain of blood forming right where I was sitting. I was bleeding._

_That made me cry harder and I hugged my legs to my chest._

I don't want to. I'm suppose to be unfeeling. I'm suppose to not let Sodapop effect me so much, but I can't hold in the burning tears that has filled my eyes.

I had to learn the truth the hard way, that my older brother, my best friend, my everything, my favorite person on this earth that I've known my whole life and shared many wonderful memories with, was nothing, but a lie.

I wish Soda never did that to me, that I was still kept in the dark like everyone else and didn't know the truth, still living in the lie instead.

That'd be better.

It's true what they say, "Somethings are better left unknown."

Cause, then I could continue on living the lie, without knowing it was a lie, with my normal, dreamer self, living in peace and happiness, and fulfilling what everyone always wanted me to, to be the one to get out of here, and be somebody, but Soda had to shatter that and show me the truth.

Now, my future, dreams, old self, and life are nothing, but shatter remains of the past.

I can't tell anybody about what happened either, because Soda is nothing, but a Serial Harasser, he carefully build up an image so that people would find it hard to believe he would do anyone any harm. He planned his approach carefully, and struck me in private so that it is his word against mine, So who would believe me?

Anyways, I don't trust anyone, nobody really cares about me, so why should I waste my breath on telling someone about what Soda did to me, if they don't believe me, or don't give a shit?


	3. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters, especially Steph36, because she doesn't even like the plot to this story, but still reads it and leaves very nice reviews, so thank you, I really appreciate it! =) I hope you like this chapter.**

"Pony?" Someone says, braking me from my thoughts.

The whole gang was staring at me full of concern.

It was Darry who had spoke.

"Pony baby, please tell us whats wrong? We're all really very worried about you. Its better that you talk about it, then keep it all bottled up like this and hurt yourself."

I had enough. Nobody really cares and I'm tired of people pretending to. I do not want another Soda incident.

"Shut up! Just fucking shut up! Stop pretending like you guys give a shit about me, because I already know that you don't!"

The whole gang's eyes widened in shock, every ones, but Soda's.

I don't give them a chance to respond, I turn my back toward them, and walk out into the pouring rain.

Somebody grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

I yank my arm out of whoevers grip, but I stay there, with my back toward them.

"Look Pony baby, I'm sorry. Please ya got to believe me, I really am. Its killing me that I hurt ya this bad. I miss ya baby. Please don't go, stay here with us, and I promise I'll never hurt ya again."

I want to believe him, I want to believe him so bad, and for things to go back to normal, but I know better.

I know things could never go back to normal, I know I can't just forget what Soda has done to me, and I know Soda is anything, but sorry.

He just wants me to keep living the facade he has created, so nobody starts to expect something, but it is too late for that. He'll hurt me again, if I stay here, it will be a constant thing, I'll be nothing, but a toy to him, and I'm not about to let that happen.

I chuckle dryly, turning over to face him.

I grit my teeth and ball my hands into fists, as I spit out coldly,

"What the fuck do I look like to you, Soda?! Huh?! Do I look stupid to you?! I believed your lies once and it came back to slap me in the face! I had to learn the hard way that you were nothing, but a lie! You don't care about me! You don't care about anyone, but yourself! You don't regret what you did to me! You don't feel nothing at all! You just want me to stay here, to keep this facade alive, and to be your play toy!"

Soda looks at me sternly, with fake sadness.

"I love ya, Ponyboy Curtis."

My brows knot together, as my eyes become wet, from new forming tears.

I didn't expect that to come out of his mouth, but then again, Soda is an manipulator, doing or saying something to get what he wants, and he wants me, so he'll do or say anything to make me stay.

But, I ain't dumb. I know he doesn't really love me. People like him can't love, all they do feel is rage, hate, and lust

I wish he meant it though, because even though I hate Soda more than anything on this earth and want nothing more then to kill him slowly, make him suffer, like he has made me suffer, apart of me still loves him, and wants nothing more then Soda's love in return.

But, that ain't never going to happen.

I stare straight into his eyes, giving him a cold, bitter smile, as I say,

"I hate you too, Sodapop Curtis."

He opens his mouth to respond to what I just said, but Darry interrupts.

"Pony, why don't you think we all care about you? Because, we do, we care about you a lot. You being like this...Its been killing us, kiddo, so why do you think we don't give a shit? Huh? What made you even think that?" Darry asks, when he reachs me and Soda, the gang not far behind him.

I stay silent, just staring at Darry blankly.

The gang stares at me, waiting for me to answer Darry's question.

I stole a look at Soda, before looking back at Darry.

"Ask Soda."

Darry's eyes went wide a little bit in surprise, brows knotting together in confusion, as he looked at Soda.

The whole gang looks at Soda with questioning looks.

I turn my back toward them one last time, deciding to leave them like that, as I walk away.


End file.
